I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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