I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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