your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
