that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
