Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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