at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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