The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
