Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
