She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
