Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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