Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
