he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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