Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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