he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
