Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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