You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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