I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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