i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
