you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
