You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
