doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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