I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
