from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
