New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize