he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
