Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize