it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
