I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
