i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
