i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
