eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
