Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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