I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
