if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
