what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
