Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
