I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish i was in the wii world.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
