yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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