I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
