I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
