Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
