so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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