I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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