I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
