Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
