Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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