Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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