I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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