Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
