she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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