Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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