just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
