i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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