I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
