Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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