Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
