proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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