She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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