I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
