The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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