i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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