no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
