I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
