I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
