Your face is a jimmy john
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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