AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
