i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
