Fuck appropriateness.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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