??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
