My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
