maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
