I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so explain again why im purple
no
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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