Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
