so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
