Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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