Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize