I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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