If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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