I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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