You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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