I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
