Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
