don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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