Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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