Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
