Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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