Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize