so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
