So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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