so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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