i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
