I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
