can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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