im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
