remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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