He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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