Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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