i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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