so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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