how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How naked do you want me to be?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
