You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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